Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
life lesson# 3: saying thank you on a subway really means "im not a native new yorker, so please feel free to touch my ass"
hmm. interesting. explain how you came across this knowledge.
i sneezed. he said bless you. i said thank you. he groped. i again said thank you.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
Want to FaceTime and watch me finish this bagel?
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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