dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
I believe in your delicious
Welp, I'm allergic to codeine. Found that one out the hard way.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I kinda wanna drive through the Gator bar parking lot and seeing if my panties are on they ground, they should be right next to my pride...
Good news! Blood’s flowing!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
