My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Randomize
