question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
