Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
