Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I hope God doesn't listen to everybody on a Saturday night.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
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