yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
Randomize
