Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Randomize
