your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
don't judge my taste in strippers
I think my moral compass just broke
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
