Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.�
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
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