i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
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