don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
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