I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
