have fun at tinkers! p.s. are there any hot guys who look like they wanna wait until marriage to have sex?
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
How do you feel about the band name "O'labia Newton John"??
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
When my alarm went off, he rolled over and asked me: Bacon or dick? Yes, I will see him again.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
