I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
