Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I changed my birth control schedule so that I'm on my period while you're gone this week
I don't deserve you.
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
COVER ME IN BACON THATS MY FETISH
ACTUALLY ITS NOT, I HAVE NO FUCKING IDEA WHAT AWAKENS THE MONSTER BELOW THE BELT
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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