Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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