new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
well i did feel guilty about it. until i saw how hot the guy was the next day. now, nothing but pride.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
