I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
i used baking grease as lip gloss
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I saved a sauce packet from taco bell that said "Free me" to use in my next break up.
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