I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
i sent him a picture of his friend's dick and told him he should really stop thinking he's my only option.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
