is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Randomize
