If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
