so explain again why im purple
no
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
