someone threw a dead crab at me
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Ketchup is God's man juice
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
He awkwardly handed me plan b on Pickens Street... it was like a sketchy drug deal.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Randomize
