I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Randomize
