So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
