dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Thanks for talking me down from peeing on his window last night.
I am now curious as to how you would have aimed.
Im covered in vodka and melted gummys. Fuck summer.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
