I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
this boner is exhausting
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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