I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
My liver is preforming stress tests.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Randomize
