So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
haha all our friends are at the carnival and I'm on stage dry humping a 40 year old
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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