He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
For the record it's 1026 and you told me I could leave you in the bathroom.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
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