I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
dude new orleans is fucking wild these two guys just performed dueling banjos except they were actually fighting with the banjos
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
