there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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