Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
Randomize
