Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
Randomize
