were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
FUCK WHALES
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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