I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Oh my god I need an adult
Wait shit I am an adult
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
