I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
