You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Also I hooked up with a trainer at my gym. Between her, the married chick, and the bartender, my life is becoming a bad porn plot.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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