Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
Randomize
