I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
I just tried to pick my 105-lb puppy up and accidentally fingered its asshole
There are some things we keep to ourselves Brian
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Randomize
