we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I was just curling my hair topless and I just burned my nipple. Ouch.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
