on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
It went from a "chill game of beer pong" to "absinthe body shots and a tits parade" in literally two minutes.
Told you inviting her was a good idea.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
