The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
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