Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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