Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
My kids are NEVER playing in the park more than 2 feet away from me until they are capable of punching an eagle.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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