I think i peed on brittanys purse
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I just threw up during my phone interview for the largest PR firm in the world.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
just tell her a well fed dog doesnt stray far from the porch, and if that doesnt work just keep fucking her sisters
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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