i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
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