You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Randomize
