wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
All I remember is yelling at him to admit he liked Bon Jovi, then accusing him of giving love a bad name.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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