glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
Weird we were more concerned with sharing our germs than tag teaming the blow job?
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
Randomize
