I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
