Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
there's a girl on facebook trying to buy me a pizza. I can't say no... right?
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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